Worth It: May 8, 2008

Your mom insults
These jokes and insults are simple, effective and hilarious. There are three simple formulas: snowclone, sexual innuendo or the nonsensical. In the snowclone approach, the speaker uses the formula of “your mother is so X she Y.” For instance: “Your mother is so nasty, I talked to her on the phone and she gave me an ear infection.” For sexual innuendo, the speaker must be aware of his or her surroundings and use intuition for the insult to work. If your friend asks, “what do you want to do?” you should reply, “your mom.” This variation on the insult is most rewarding due to its spontaneity. The nonsensical formula is the least rewarding, as the comedy is weak. “Can you help me do my taxes?” “That’s what your mom said.” See? It does not have the same punch. Some think this is a juvenile way to argue, but I assure you it’s not. It first originated in Act IV, Scene II of Shakespeare’s “Titus Andronicus” when Aaron taunts Demetrius and Chiron: “Villain, I hath done thy mother.” Shakespeare, the greatest writer in the English language, cultivated this ingenious phrase. So use it with pride and as often as possible. — TANDY VERSYP

8bitpeoples.com
8bitpeoples is a free chiptune netlabel based in New York City that offers up more than 50 free chiptune albums for download. Chiptune is a term that encompasses all music utilizing sound chips or sound aesthetics from old computer and video game systems such as the Game Boy. Many of the artists are incredibly different and original, notably Anamanaguchi, Kplecraft, Bit Shifter, and label co-founder Nullsleep (who recently played a showcase at the Telfair Museum). 8bitpeoples also puts on a yearly chiptune festival in New York called Blip Festival where chiptune artists from around the world come together to celebrate their music. While it may take some searching to find music that fits your taste, the genres the label encompasses are so varied that you are sure to find something up your alley. The Web site also offers software for sale (LSDJ) to help one get started in utilizing their Game Boy to start making tunes of their own. If you are looking for an introduction to chiptune music, 8bitpeoples is where to start. — JONATHAN WOLFE

Manager’s Special Bread Rack
Kroger, 311 E. Gwinnett St.

Bread is so damned good. Ask any joker still following the Atkins diet — they hate their lives. I’m not going to bore you with the doting imagery of bread floating around in my head. I’m not going to plaster you with redundancy by listing bread’s many facets. Instead, I’d like to introduce the Manager’s Special bread rack at Kroger. It’s a wooden, six-tiered cart that appears late in the week between the pita table and store-brand donut endcap. I go to Kroger most days out of the week. Every time that rack is waiting in the bakery section, its slightly undercooked white mountain loaves and almost-stale baguettes sitting there with their orange and yellow beacons of stickers, I — well, I buy the bread. — BRIAN SMITH

Worth It: May 1, 2008

SUGARDVD.COM
SugarDVD.com is a DVD rental service that is nearly identical to Netflix, besides one detail: it only carries porn. You can sign up for a free trial before picking one of the billing plans, which start at $9.95 a month. The selection is pretty broad and you can even search by category or studio if you don’t know where to start. The DVD arrives in a discreet envelope that doesn’t give any clues as to what’s inside. And if your credit card and bank statements are still monitored by your parents, the payments don’t show up as SugarDVD.com, but rather a more discreet and cryptic name that doesn’t really mean anything. You’re in college now; it’s time to graduate from free 10-second clips on the Internet to real, full-length porn. SugarDVD.com gives you the opportunity to do just that, effectively and discreetly. Fap to it! — ELIZABETH DIXON

MUXTAPE.COM

So you’ve got a Facebook profile, a MySpace page and a blog on Livejournal, but do you have a Muxtape account yet? Muxtape.com is a fun little site that focuses on the beloved craft of creating mixtapes. Remember those? Your muxtape may not be an actual mixtape, but it is on the Internet. It’s simple: create an account and upload as many as 12 of your own mp3s, no bigger than 10 megabytes each. After that, you can show off your muxtape at username.muxtape.com. The Web site itself is fast and easy to use, complemented by a simple yet aesthetically pleasing design. However, Muxtape states that users are prohibited from uploading “songs they do not have permission to let Muxtape use.” So, if you upload an illegal mp3, chances are they don’t have a clue. But if they did have a clue, the worst thing that would happen is the deletion of your account. — CHASE CHAUFFE

Cinco de Moe’s Monday Special
If you like being uncomfortably full on Mexican food, you’ve probably been to Moe’s. They’re the place down Abercorn Street that sells you a guaranteed-delicious-stomach-ache-size burrito and a drink for $10, plus tax. Lately, there’s been a debate in my house over the worthiness of this transaction. You’re certainly getting $10 worth of food — the burrito stuffed with meat, beans, rice, cheese and other typical burrito contents is larger than an average human stomach. Then they give you a side of chips and a free-refills drink. When you’re done consuming it all, the first thing you wonder is, “Why didn’t I just punch myself in the gut and save 10 bucks?” Well, here’s the solution: Go to Moe’s on Monday, May 5. They’re having a “Cinco de Moe’s” deal, so a burrito and drink combo is only $6. That 4-buck difference tips the scales. Go eat three meals worth of food for cheap. — BRIAN SMITH

Worth It: April 24, 2008

Atmosphere
“When Life Gives You Lemons, You Paint That S— Gold”
Rhymesayers
2008

It’s great when the promo copy of an album you’ve been waiting months for shows up at the radio station, and it turns out to be good. It’s even better when it exceeds your expectations. Atmosphere have always been a verbose duo—their rapping is explosive and in-your-face. “Lemons” isn’t. Most of their music on this album isn’t sampled. Plenty of live drums and bass, and some emotion-evoking acoustic guitar and jazz piano drive this album in a minimalist way. Listening to the album in a friend’s car led me to say, “this album is like The Whitest Boy Alive of hip-hop.” Atmosphere have calmed down and made an album that makes you think and feel. Every word, chord, note and beat is a testament to the power music holds over the listener.

— Brian Smith

“Three Shadows”

Old school Spanish animator Cyril Pedrosa flexes his cartooning muscles in “Three Shadows,” his debut black-and-white comic from the marvelous First Second Press, which specializes in European imports. The book is a fatalistic adventure that pits a father torn from his idyllic, pastoral life by inevitable forces. Pedrosa’s gorgeous, moody dry-brush illustrates his struggle with a vast, complicated world and the turmoil in his own heart in order to save his young son from three ever-present, grim figures bent on taking him away. The reader is given flashes of several lives without resolution, painting a world of people who care for, disregard and generally take advantage of one another. A desperate mother and daughter are turned away by a corrupt official, a ship’s boson worries about his jacket and a slave stages a bloody mutiny, all acting as an unsentimental backdrop to the heartbreaking central story arc about the struggle against the inevitable and loving the brief life we have. “Three shadows” represents the best of the spectacular comics scene in Europe, storytelling with grace, power and a deep emotional core, told with breathtaking simplicity in the images.

— Michael Jewell

Bacchus Wine Lounge

There’s a new bar in town and it’s blowing the bars on Congress Street right out of the water. Bacchus Wine Lounge is a slightly upscale bar situated at 102 E. Liberty St., right under the monstrous Drayton Tower. It has a cool mix of black leather and steel, and serves 45 different types of wine by the glass, everything from basic Cabernets to Veuve Clicquot champagne, as well as the usual mix of beer and liquor. Unlike most of the other bars in Savannah, this one isn’t saturated in smoke, everyone dresses comfortably but well (most had the whole New York, dress-in-all-black thing going on), and you don’t have to stand five people deep at the bar yelling out drink orders hoping you’ll get one 10 minutes later. They even have an oval screen hanging down in the middle of the room playing chapters from the TV series “Planet Earth,” so you can watch things fly and fight and feed while you chill out.

 — Stephanie Saunders

 

Lollapalooza

In case there’s one person out there who needs convincing that Lollapalooza will indeed be worth it this year — this goes out to you, the weary skeptic. Since tickets went on sale in March, a buzz has been building around the long-anticipated summer music event. This August, Chicago’s Grant Park will be the spot of congregation for eager rock-and-roll fans who’ve been waiting a year for such a festival. The three-day festival boasts performances from Bloc Party, MGMT, Cat Power, Gnarls Barkley and more. In case you need further incentive, consider the headliners: Radiohead, Nine Inch Nails, Rage Against the Machine and Kanye West. There are also comedy acts and a scavenger hunt. Last year’s festival grossed over $9 million and this year’s is sure to top that. So grab your ticket to this summer’s biggest musical event while you still can. — Hannah Polskin

“Quarterlife”

“Quarterlife” follows six main characters in their 20s trying to deal with real issues. Finally, we see characters that care just as much about global warming and artistic integrity as they do about getting laid. The performances are strong and so is the production quality. “Quarterlife” is currently on hiatus while its creators, Marshall Herskovitz and Edward Zwick, (who brought us “My So-Called Life,” “Legends of the Fall,” “Traffic” and “Blood Diamond”) are raising money to shoot more webisodes. They are even considering doing another Internet series. You can watch all 36 eight-minute webisodes on quarterlife.com, MySpaceTV.com or YouTube.com for free and without commercials. NBC dropped the ball on this one. “Quarterlife” is definitely worth checking out. — Beth Goers

Worth It: April 11, 2008

Cici’s Pizza
If you’ve never been to Cici’s Pizza, man, are you in for it. Cici’s Pizza guarantees an “All-You-Can-Eat” buffet for under $5. When you enter Cici’s Pizza, throw away any conventional definition you attach to the word “pizza.” You want a macaroni and cheese pizza, you say? Done deal, pal. Or perhaps you’d care for a signature “Mexican Style Olé” pizza? You can eat seven if you want. The high school kid behind the counter is bound to your will. Once you’ve eaten as much pizza as possible, you can move onto pasta, salad, garlic bread and dessert. What’s for dessert? Dessert pizza, of course. Once you’ve finished your meal you can play a round of “Area 51” or “Cruis’n USA” in the arcade. Now, don’t get me wrong; the food at Cici’s Pizza is nothing to write home about. In fact, if you don’t eat too many carbohydrates in general, you might vomit immediately afterward. But don’t let that scare you away. The best time to visit Cici’s Pizza is after a long day in the sun or after hours of physical activity.

— Chase Chauffe

Koosh Balls
Koosh balls. They are so worth it. Who remembers these? Okay, so Koosh balls were a big hit in the late ’80s, and although they were marketed toward children, they were oddly popular with adults (perverts, get your minds out of the gutter). Their porcupine physique and rubbery texture provided at least minutes of fun for any kid growing up in the Nickelodeon-saturated early ’90s. Why are Koosh balls worth it? I don’t know exactly. Something about the success of such a simple toy in a time where the complex animatronics of Teddy Ruxpin dominated the toy market just seems to be demanding of merit. Go ahead, open up that “odd” kitchen drawer, move aside your chia pet, your super balls, your mood rings and pet rocks, your Furby, your pogs, your finger boards and beanie babies, and find that Koosh ball and give it a squeeze. It’s cool, right? Good stress reliever. I’m sure that when you hold onto those rubbery little tentacles, you’ll be transported way back into your innocent youth. At least for a minute.

— Evan Watkins

Worth It: April 4, 2008

“Chowder”

Can you really go wrong? This animated series is featured on Cartoon Network, now at a new time: Thursdays at 8 p.m. It’s about a chef’s apprentice, Chowder, who is some kind of dog-raccoon-cat-animal with an appetite for everything. The show is pretty funny. Every character and location is named after various dishes or food. Instead of dollars, they pay with dollops and live in Marzipan City, which is loosely adapted from New York. While the show is targeted toward kids, it’s quirky humour and references to pop-culture are reeling in the older crowd. In the most recent episode, Mung Daal, Chowder’s teacher, references Flava Flav by throwing a large clock into a pot and saying, “Now, let’s add some flava.” My favorite character, aside from Chowder himself, has got to be Shnitzel. He’s basically a rock who works at Mung Daal’s Catering Company. His vocabulary? One word: “Radda.” Even though I don’t ever know what he’s saying, it’s easy to pick up on and he adds a sarcastic humor to the mix. Paired with some colorful and beautifully-textured backgrounds, these characters don’t get boring and neither does the show. Don’t miss out.

— Victoria Phetmisy

 

Sugarbushsquirrel.com

Sugarbush the squirrel proudly acts out for you the telling dramas of our time with the help of the gifted Barbara McNair’s stagecraft. McNair is the potentially deranged mind behind the viral-worthy masterpiece that is Sugarbushsquirrel.com. The Web site is a simple scrolling canvas displaying meticulously crafted dioramas portraying current events and the people who shape them, all starring an apparently sedated rodent in a panoply of intense costumes. Sugarbush is a squirrel of many faces, playing pope, princess and patriot. He (she?) dons feathery wigs, tiny shoes, wings, berets and other costumes to fit the part. McNair spares no detail, from tiny bottles of fake booze to adorable automatic weapons for the charming under-cover Mujahedeen outfit. This site is an exercise in obsession that is either a blemish or a beauty mark on the American character. Either way, the poor critter doesn’t seem to have any say in the matter.

— Michael Jewell

Worth It: March 28, 2008

Avocados

Avocados are a delicious, buttery fruit grown primarily on the West Coast of the United States, and in Central and South America. Avocados have a somewhat sordid etymology. Their name is derived from the Aztec word for testicle. Avocados were once considered symbolic of fertility; anyone who consumed an avocado would invite unpleasant speculation on their moral character. Thankfully, avocados are now seen as a family-friendly fruit, and can be found in grocery stores everywhere. Avocados can be prepared in a myriad of ways. Sliced avocado adds a rich texture to sandwiches or wraps. Mashed with tomatoes and onions, they make guacamole dip. Sliced in half, with salt and pepper, avocados make an excellent breakfast or snack. Avocados are rich in B, E and K vitamins. A single avocado contains more than six grams of fiber — more than any other fruit. To determine when an avocado is ripe, remember this rhyme: If the skin is firm, let it carry to term. If the skin is supple, do the avocado shuffle.

— Benjamin Frisch

 

“Gods of the Earth”
The Sword
Kemado Records, 2008

I’ll be honest — I haven’t ever consciously listened to The Sword before “Gods of the Earth.” I’ll be even more honest — I enjoy metal, but I’m not very knowledgeable on the genre. I like Dead Meadow, Boris and Sunn O))), but I’m no metalhead. A lot of it annoys the hell out of me, or I just can’t get into it. What all this means is “Gods of the Earth” is pretty damned good. It’s approachable, heavy, surging and driving. The vocals don’t wreck the music. The music isn’t overbearing or excessively complex. “Gods of the Earth” is just a good rock album.

— Brian Smith

 

“Volume One”
She & Him
Merge Records, 2008

She & Him, a new band featuring M. Ward on guitar and the actress Zooey Deschanel on percussion, banjo and vocals, is an indie-western surprise. Listening through the album while driving in my car, I was pleasantly surprised to hear how country Ms. Deschanel sounds. Though much of the album is made up of covers of older songs, their distinct style makes each of the songs sound like their own. Being a bit of a Beatles nut, I have never been too keen on Beatles covers. But She & Him is one of the few bands who have done a good job. “Volume One” definitely deserves a listen.

— Lee Burbage

Worth It – March 7, 2008

“Trouble in Dreams”
Destroyer
Merge Records, 2008

I wore “Destroyer’s Rubies” out in 2006. I listened to it on repeat weeks after its release. The record is beautiful, but I grew tired of its theatrical sound and stopped listening. Now Dan Bejar’s got a new album out — “Trouble in Dreams.” I’m listening to it over and over, don’t fear wearing it out this time. This one’s different. Destroyer’s sound is still big, but he cut the embellishment and over-drama. This record sounds more like a band on a stage than an ensemble in the pit. There’s better balance between Bejar’s distinctive vocals and the instrumentation this time. Check out this record if you like Destroyer’s previous work. It pushed me back into a “Rubies” rut. — Brian Smith

“Saturday Night Live”
Saturday Night Live is back to remind us what we missed: biting political satire with a screwball twist. The writers strike coincided with the major points of the race for the party nominations, robbing us of the comedy gold SNL consistently delivers. Although Colbert and Stewart are great, SNL has its trademark impersonations. Amy Poehler as Hillary Clinton is hilarious. Fred Armisen as Barack Obama, or “Fauxbama,” is exceptionally funny. SNL also delivers racial and feminist comedy, such as the Virginiaca sketches and guest host Tina Fey’s tirade about Hillary Clinton, “Bitch is the new black!” Stay in Saturday nights, set your DVR, or catch recaps and clips on NBC.com. SNL is back, and unlike the beginning of this season, it’s actually funny. — Tandy Versyp

“Alopecia”
Why?
Anticon, 2008

To say that following up Why?’s previous album, “Elephant Eyelash,” would be a difficult undertaking is an understatement. However, YoniWolf (of the now defunct, legendary cLOUDDEAD) proves himself again with another album full of hip hop-inspired indie rock songs with toe-tapping pop mentality. This album seems to reflect more on Yoni’s hip-hop beginnings, with more half-raps and fewer sing-along melodies, but a few tracks sound like they could be straight off of “Elephant Eyelash,” such as Simeon’s Dilemma.” The first single, “The Hollows,” is nothing short of epic. Overall, the album is even more accessible than the previous effort, although it lacks the emotional punch. The incredible lyricism and beautiful piano arrangements make for an album that hopefully will not go overlooked. — Jonathan Wolfe

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